Monday, October 29, 2007

Time Of Change

It might be hard to let go,
it might be hard to face the fact,
it might be hard to think,
it might be hard to wait.

Are we willing to sacrifice?
Are we willing to evaluate?
Are we willing to set things right?
Are we willing to face the consequences?

Is this really glorifying Him?
Is this what I want for my life?
Is this the right move?
Is this the best that have to be done?

Why can’t the answer be clear?
Why can’t there be only 1 choice?
Why can’t I just remain?
Why can’t someone decide for me?

Maybe the best is to wait
Maybe there is a happily ever after.
Maybe I can really walk on water.
Maybe that’s the right path.

Up grade to a better future
Down to a better path
Left behind are those miseries
Right to the path where God leads

*there might be some part of life that we know that things have to change. We know that what is going on is not right. But we are often not willing to change. What are we afraid off? Are we afraid of what people around us will think about us? Are we afraid to leave our comfort zone? Are we afraid to take up the challenge?

“Why does the past always seem safer?
Maybe because at least we know me made it
And why do we worry about the future?
When every day will come just the way the Lord ordained it.”
(Chris Rice – 8th grade)

Friday, October 26, 2007

I'm a WORM

I’m a worm.
You might see me,
You might not.

I’m a worm,
Too much of me,
I’m in your mood.
Without me,
It won’t be good.

I’m a worm,
I’m everywhere.

I’m a worm,
Living in you.

I’m a worm,
Not letting you go.

I’m a worm,
Eat eat and eat.

I’m a worm,
Jaw worm,
Always smiling.

I’m a warm,
Tongue worm,
Talking non-stop.

I’m a worm,
Peanut worm,
But I can think.

I’m a worm,
Arrow Worm,
Always watching.

I’m a worm,
Ribbon worm,
Brings colour into life.

I’m a worm..

Listen to the silence

People come, people go,
Houses built, trees gone,
River flow, rubbish filled,
Nations flourish, nations fall,
Being part of it yet not understanding it.
But life goes on.

Actions taken, cannot be undone,
Words said cannot be kept back.
But there is still hope, hopefully,
Struggling to get out of struggle,
Staying alert dodging troubles.

Broken glass cannot be mended,
A new one might not be the same.
Trials comes lesson learned,
Series of uncertainty are tackled.
The choices are in our hand.

When all seem dim,
Find the light,
When all seem lost,
Ask for direction.
When all are gone,
Look forward.
Keep holding on.
He will lead.

The light is the brightest when all are dark.
The color is brought out when all are pale.
The voice is the loudest around silence.
The power is strongest when we are weak.
Faith is stretched when we are challenged.

Too many choices,
Too many decisions,
Too many uncertainties,
Could the best step be not doing anything?
Just listen.
The unspoken words,
The leafy path,
Maybe it’s the path,
It’s the path,
The path we never noticed.
Learn to listen in the silence.
He will provide.
No worries.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Walking on a log

What comes into your mind when you see a dad carrying his son walking on a log in water, performing? Father and son. He later turned around and rolled the other way with his son on his shoulders. I saw this article on the papers but can’t seem to find the same picture.

Do we applause and say, wow, what a good performance. Stand there, amazed by what was going on.
Or do we see
The great crowd around
Or do we see
The way he is able to balance and try to calculate in physical term the reason he can walk on such a log
Or are we just
Staring to see if he is going to fall, are we there to try to find fault
Or do we see
The struggle, the tension upon the man that he is trying his best to give his best performance to the audience
Or do we see
The little boy, naïve, not knowing what is happening around
Or do we see
A irresponsible, putting his son in great risk
Or do we see
The effort of a father, trying to make ends meet for the family? The unwillingness of him risking his son’s life but have to do so just to make a few pennies per day. The heart of the father, that he is trying his best not to drop his son. The unwritten story about his family. The hope in him that there will be a better future for his family.

We often see what is on the surface. But do we really know what is inside? Some might me smiling all the time, is that who they are inside? Some might treat you badly, is this the way they are trying to make you tougher? Some may keep a distance from you, is this the way they are trying to ask you to put more effort if you want to keep this friendship? Different people have their own point of view. In the same way, the stories in HISTORY depends on who is telling the story. But who is there to judge?

Monday, October 22, 2007


Waking up from a nightmare, can’t sleep back, but it is still early.

It caught me thinking, what do we do when we know that everyone around us are doing the things that are not right? Weird = being the add one out from the norm. Being the weird one around, how do we make a change? Of cause it will be easier to follow the flow. For certain things, I would actually follow the flow. But what about the things that you know it is bad. Bad. Bad.
Well, since everyone is doing the same thing, it doesn’t make it right. But after compromising, it might fall into the gray spot. But sometimes, we just know that we can’t compromise. If we start, it will trigger the start of a big down fall.
No character? Sometimes we just have to make our stand.
Logical thinking, counting the pros and cons, it is certainly more worth it to stand with the majority. But as all CBA(cost-benefit analysis), we have to start putting shadow pricing. What is the price of losing a big group of your friends? What is the price of standing up for what you think is right? What is the price of the difference that you might make in the future?
Many times in life we compromise too much. Knowing that what we do is wrong, but not wrong in society. Knowing that what our friends are doing is wrong, but we can’t change them. Knowing that we have to do and not doing it. But KNOWING and DOING is different!!!
Of cause in all cases that we seem to be the odd one out, seem to be the only one believing in what we believe, seem to be fighting alone. WE ARE NOT ALONE.
It will not be easy for us the stand up and make a difference. But we will not be alone doing it. We might be the minority, but at least we know that we are doing the right thing.

Perseverance is important. The start might be difficult. But we must persevere so that we might be mature and complete.

How is this related with my dream? I just can’t forget the last scene, everyone looking at me like I’m a total weirdo. Its not easy to have people looking at us like that but we have to do what we have to do. The cost in the short run might be very taxing but do we not see what the long run benefit would be?

Confucius: Quotes on Making a DifferenceTo put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Pleasing people?

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is definitely to please everybody.
-Bill Cosby-

Really? My friend just read to me, from some personality test, “you are easy to get along, people will like you, but you lack personality”. Hmmm… really?
But when we care, when we love, when we are concern, do we not try our best to please them?

I know we don’t study for our parents. But do we not try to do the things that they like? Do we not stay out of trouble and not make them worry? Do we not do our best is studies, do we not call home, do we not do the things that is pleasing to their eyes?

But of cause in the mist of doing these things we must have discernment and not follow blindly.

What about when it comes to friends? Even though it is inconvenient for us, we will still go an extra mile to care for them. Spending time with them when they are down, being with them when they are lonely, take care of them when they are sick… so many things that we do to please them, or at least we think will please them…

But is it really very hard to please everyone? It also depends on the company you mix with. Everyone smoke, do you follow just to please them? They are big spender, do you follow them? They go to indecent places and dresses unpleasantly… If we try to please them by following them, are we not foolish?

Please everyone, not possible? But I think we should try our best to please our love ones, those we care about. And WALK IN LOVE =D

*Question :
3 big problems in life, first, being relationships, second being health, third being finances.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Christmas is near =D

Is it too early to think about Christmas? Christmas is not all about snow, pine tree, present, reindeer, santa… its more about giving. Is it not better to see the smile on other’s face?

What do we really want for Christmas?

What can we give this Christmas?

For those who are away from home, Christmas is all in the heart =D

There is nothing wrong with preparing a long long list and trying to post it to North Pole though. =D

Can I wish everyone Merry Christmas now? Hmmm… might freak them out. Hehhehehe…. Maybe sometime later. =D

Really can’t wait for Christmas. I know that this Christmas will never be the same. Something is going to happen, something good. Keeping my hopes high =D

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Long Distance Relationships

Can it come to past? Will it be the same? Distance, Will it build or will it destroy? Well, too many conditions to consider. Too many factors affecting it.

What do we need?
Trust, faithfulness, hope, love, faith, perseverance, patience, commitment, time, friends, family… etc etc…

My friend just told me, no matter how busy you are, you have to communicate with the other individual.
For those out there who are having long distance relationship, Gambateh!!! It can work!!! Find ways of effective communication. Let the distance be a test for this relationship. View it as a relationship with a high enthalpy change without any catalyst. Even graphite can turn into diamond. Nothing is impossible =D

Physics, couple = 2 forces which are same in magnitude but opposite in direction, whose line of action does not coincide.
So even the direction is not the same, it will still take both to make a rotational motion, which can be viewed as the circle of life. =D

But can I say that if you are not willing to commit, DON’T START!!! But who am I to say it? =D

But remember, God is still the center.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matt 6:33

Monday, October 15, 2007

Here In My Life

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet
But at Your word Lord
I receive Your faith
To walk on oceans deep
And I remember
How You found me
In that very same place
All my failings
Surely would have drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus You’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be
Without You here in my life
Here in my life

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom
Truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life
And I remember
How You saw me
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was
Your beloved for me
Still You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus You’re the reason

*This is a very lovely song =D Freedom!!! He's the reason =D

Morning Prayer Group

This is my college’s lovely prayer group. I have been part of it since I came to college. Started as a very small group behind the cafeteria and then later on towards the end of 2006, we found out that there is another group gathered at SAM’s garden. Merging the prayer group made it much bigger. =D

I’ve been consistent for quite some time but was missing in action for a few months, about July till early Sept. But in the mid of September, something keeps on bugging me… there’s like a voice in my head or maybe its my conscience… but it is sure a good one. It brought me back to prayer group. Explaining why I stop going, I can’t really explain it too. Too many things came crashing at my doorstep. Only a few tend to be able to see it though. Maybe I build the wall too high, maybe I just don’t want them to worry, maybe I just feel safer when I handle things my way, or even maybe I just like to keep it to myself.

I soon came to realize that it is not about me. It is about the testimony that I’ll be. It’s about if I can glorify His name with my actions. I realized that getting too used to the surrounding might not be a good thing. We might be standing there serving, but is our heart really there? Many times we need to evaluate ourselves. Are we doing for the right purpose? Is it right in the eyes of God? Or am I doing it because of the sense of duty? Is smiling outside means that we are alright in the inside? I always feel better after a long long time of prayer. Come humbly before the Lord is very important. Just pouring out everything to Him. Its hard to stand up alone. But sometimes, when we are alone only then we can see the whole picture. We can see what went wrong. But He is always watching over us. Every time when I feel like a failure, I know that he will lift me up again.

There were too many things on my mind. But I just realized that the more we try to take control, the more it will add to our burden. The harder we try, the more complicated it feels. I know that He has a plan for me, a plan even beyond my imagination. Maybe for certain things, it is better for me not think about it, He will provide when the time is right. Maybe for certain things I need to put in more effort. Maybe for certain things I need to spend more time doing it.

Many people see the surface of things. But I know that He sees the inside.

1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Psalms 62:1-2

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Econs and Chem in relationship

What would you do when 2 or more people are coming after you? Knowing that they are all good people, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feeling, who should you choose or how do you choose?
Knowing that your current bf which you have known for about 2 years, who is loving, caring, but you often have much fight, misunderstanding, lack of trust and faith. But yet, the time spent, the things that you have been through, the love that you experience, the things that you are willing to sacrifice for him, you can never forget it.
One the other hand came an almost perfect guy, smart, honest, always willing to care and is always there when you needed help. One that you know for certain will not let you down, one that will surely be there in time of need, one that has a bright future in front of him.
What should the girl do? Wanting to be friends with guy2 might be giving him false hope might send the wrong signal to him, but she doesn’t want to risk her friendship. Yet somewhere is her, she is uncertain of how she feels about him. So, what should she do? To be unfaithful or to be realistic? Economics coming in, to take into account of the long run cost and benefits, to take into account the opportunity cost... But make a decision, don't leave both of them hanging...

And as a friend, what advice should we give?
Are we suppose to draw out a CBA(cost-benefit analysis)? Is there protectionism? What about the diplomatic relations?
Maybe the Hess’ Law is applied here. (A chemical reaction is the same whether the change is brought about in one stage or through intermediate stages. In other words, you will come to the same ending no matter which route you are taking.)
Will it be easier to choose your partner is formula is given? For example you can solve it by using E=mc2?
[the elements of pray, follow the word of God, seek for guidance, ask more matured people about their opinion should be included as well…etc…etc…]

*Just some random economics and chemistry added into BGR. =D


This is very interesting, because here is the place where people point out your wrongs. There is nothing wrong to tell a person that he/she is not good enough, that what they are doing is wrong, and that you can’t stand what they are doing.

Well, in the process of doing so, we have to take care of what they are feeling. But this doesn’t mean telling them that settling for second best is ok.

Which do we prefer?
1. “Hey, you did badly this time; I think you are not putting enough effort. Why don’t you try spending more time and buck up on your skills?”
2. “Hey, you didn’t do that bad. I’m sure you’ll do be much more skillful as day pass by.”

Well, both carry the same meaning. But which one will give the individual a push, an urge to do better?

Doing this, we have to look at different individuals as well. As in if they will take it in a positive way or what we say is going to discourage them. There are many factors that have to be taken into account as we are talking. Out of our mouth come the thoughts of our heart.

We, as the person that is listening have to take all accusations and opinion positively. There is always room for improvement. They are not trying to put us down; these are just pointers to help us to be a better being.

Are we some times not truthful enough? Maybe we are trying to care about their feelings; we do not want to say anything that may jeopardize the relationship. But come to think about it, the more you care, the more we are suppose to encourage each other and hope for them to improve.

But this doesn’t mean that whatever they say is 100% correct. We are also given wisdom to discern. We have to think for our own and not follow blindly. If what they say is correct, change, learn from our mistake. This might not take place in a day or two. It might take a long time but when there’s a will there’s always a way. But if what they say is not right, stand up for our own right.

There are many opinions on different things. The way we look at things might be different. Evaluation is a good way to see if we are on the right track. Looking for room of improvements and working towards it. =D

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Chain Of Incidents

What else can go wrong? I was very home sick yesterday, everyone is going home for Raya, at least most of them. But that is not the story for today.
Today was the first day of exam, pretty exciting, woke up later then usual. Going into the lab, all set, the reagents are all on my table as they only have limited space in the lab and was left lift with little place to work with.
I sort of started the “breaking chain”. First, I broke the burette, then my Bunsen burner was not functioning, then later the specimen bottle broke. Later, my lab partner on the tap and my paper was wet. The reagents given were not enough and I needed more. Later, I realized that I was running out of time and started writing the wrong stuff on my paper. What more can go wrong?
Maybe I wasn’t prepared enough for the paper. Maybe I wasn’t focus enough. Maybe I was just too slow. Maybe I am just not smart enough. But in everything, there is surely something to be thankful about. hmmm... I’m just glad that no one was hurt throughout the experiments and that at least I finished the paper.
What a way to start the exam…

Then came the question from Azeim, what if we can’t make it? What if we can’t fly? What if we can’t meet the requirement…

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


It has been some time since I last read a book from page to page besides my magazines and text books. This is a very interesting book, the initial reason I read it is because I borrowed it for too long and it isn’t so good to return without reading it. But after a while, I slowly feel in love in the book. Sitting in the library thinking, should I do chemistry or finish this book first. So I finally decided to read the book for the first 15 minutes I step into the library. Is there such thing as book addict? How I wish it could happen to my chemistry book as well too. ;p

I like the content of the book. It is about “God as the center”. The term courtship is nothing new to me, everyone who knows Uncle Jason will know this term. But after reading this book, it caught me thinking; it brought my thoughts a step further, it’s written in a very simple manner and yet carries much truth in it.

Well, the one thing that I really agree is that we must be patient. Don’t rush!!! Even tough I often rush in under many circumstances – work, studies, learning… but this is something rushing 100% won’t help. There is nothing wrong with starting the relationship being just friends, in that way, we can be more of ourselves. It is good to wait upon the Lord. with beautiful leaves and abundant fruit, providing food for all, giving shelter to the beasts of the field, and having nesting places in its branches for the birds of the air. What more us? I know God has a plan for each and everyone of us.
Some friends might come to us when they face relationship problems. We try our best to listen and encourage in ways that we can.

I really thank God for pulling me back as I pass the line, went over the limit. He loves us!!! As long as we repent, learn from our lesson and learn to lean on Him, He will be there for us. Having regrets, feeling the guilt, what can I do? It is not that easy to forget, but our faults may be a reminder to us in our future and by His grace we can get up, having a new chance to live a new life.

After reading this book, looking around, there are actually not many who follow courtship. What can we do when we know our friends are not doing the right thing? They have known each other for years and we are just old strangers or new friends to them. So far, I only know of a few that are willing to take courtship seriously, or plan to have one. Percentage wise, I can say it is lest then 1%. But I know that if they continue seek and pray faithfully, God will indeed provide the best for them.

There is no such thing as 1 way for a long lasting relationship. But for all those out there who are still single, still seeking, courtship is certainly a good formula to have a happy and long relationship leading to marriage. =D

Monday, October 08, 2007

Do everything in love

I found it, I found it =D

Here’s a verse that I saw about 2 weeks ago. But I did not bookmark it and was searching for it for quite some time. And finally, I found it =D

Do everything in love.
1 Corinthians 16 : 14

It’s a very short verse. But it is very meaningful. Think about it, if everyone does everything in love, won’t this place be a much better place to live in?

Saturday, October 06, 2007

What will you choose?

Make everyone happy by doing what they like
Be happy yourself but disliked by others

Sleep when you are extremely tired
Stay awake to help your friend throughout the night

Telling straight to your friend that you don’t agree with them
Just compromise and try to make them happy

Save up a few meals so that you are able to bless others
Just eat, not that they are expecting much for us anyways

Tell the person you like them and risking the friendship
Be happy for them even when they are with others

Being in a funeral to console your friend
Appear in you long planned birthday

Speaking out your thoughts not caring that you’ll hurt others
Keep quite and contain the debates in our own heart

To be happy
To see people happy

Disturb others when you are bored
Stay bored and let them use their time more usefully?

* These are random stuff that doesn’t really make much sense and is written when I’m half asleep.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Unknown Ringing

“Ring Ring… Ring Ring… Ring Ring” I just wish that I can pick up this call and find out who’s on the other side of the line. Is this a chat room or a direct phone call from one individual? Well, this is an invisible phone, just something in my head, I think its my conscience. Or is it my imagination? Or … I’m also not sure. Its just that random thoughts and random action just take place nowadays.

Having two random people who doesn’t know each other telling me the same thing. DEATH! Well, is death just statistics? Well, when we open our newspaper, it does come in numbers if that is what it means. The thing that these two individuals pointed out and asked me a similar question. “What do you what to be remembered as when you die?” I have heard these countless time since I don’t remember when. I always thought that it is just been a normal topic to motivate you, telling you that you can’t control the time so make the best out of it… don’t have any regrets when you pass away. I’m not sure why, but something is not right, why is it running around in my brain? Why can’t it just settle in the neuron and stay there?

The second ringing, it’s the Jabez prayer. I know this prayer by heart, since young, my mum always recite it to me. Two more individuals’ sort of touch on this topic and once again, why is it running around in my head? Am I supposed to learn something? Or know something? Is there a hidden meaning that I should know of? Is there a easier solution or calculation that I can use or is there a formula that I have not learned? All things are connected one way or another. But are these just random thoughts or is there something that I need to take note of?






Well, I can’t really read everything above but I’m sure the copy and paste is correct. =D

The third ring in my head… Well, time is running out, will share more in the future ;p

Thursday, October 04, 2007








*different songs speak to us in different ways. are these just words to us? or are these commitment, assurence, and promises we are making? in this song, 'MY GREATEST HONOR WILL ALWAYS BE TO SERVE MY LORD AND KING' it really hit me when i was about to give up serving, only then i realised that the fact that we are able to serve, we are blessed. I mean, how did this thought even come into my mind? My cell leader talked to me, the song spoke to me, and the bible showed me. We might have negative thoughts in times of trials. God speak to us in different ways. I did not see a shining light that speaks. We might look alright from the outside and everyone thinks that we are doing fine. But when the time comes, God will indeed speak into us and will actually make us fine. And when we sing 'FOREVER AND EVER JESUS YOU ALONE IN GLORY REIGN FOREVER AND EVER WITH YOU I WALK THIS NARROW WAY' be sure that when difficult times come, he will lead us through it. He will not put us through what we can't bare. Continue to love and obey. He' s watching over us. Yesterday, today and forevermore. =D

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Shepherd of my soul

Shepherd of my soul I give you full control,
Wherever You may lead I will follow.
I have made the choice to listen for Your voice,
Wherever You may lead I will go.

Shepherd of my soul I give you full control,
Wherever You may lead I will follow.
I have made the choice to listen for Your voice,
Wherever You may lead I will go.

Be it in a quiet pasture or by a gentle stream,
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side.
Should I face a mighty mountain or a valley dark and deep,
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.

Shepherd of my soul I give you full control,
Wherever You may lead I will follow.
I have made the choice to listen for Your voice,
Wherever You may lead I will go.

* At some point of life, we might seem lost. We have regrets of what we have done. How can we undo such things? How could we be so heartless at that moment? Where have all the rational people that we are suppose to get advice from? Why did we not think before we act? Where is our self-control? What do we do when it is just too late to fix things? So lost, so down, so uncertain, so frustrating, so guilty, a heart full of repentance, do we just close an eye on the things that people says to us? Or do we act like nothing has happen? We can’t turn back time, we can’t undo certain mistakes. Committing every to Him, hoping for a better tomorrow, hoping that things won’t be the same, hoping that people will forgive, hoping that we can forgive ourselves. I choose to follow, follow where you lead me, I may not be perfect, but I know Your love will never change. That you will lead and provide for my every needs. Lost, so lost, just hoping to find the way.

*Was browsing around, and found another song, Title: Grand Prize - Shepherd Of My Soul.
Well i've never heard this song before, but the lyrics are nice though, speak right out from the heart it seems.

Is my life what You had in mind
I feel I'm falling behind
On the outside I look fine but
my heart is dark as wine
I look to You to pull me through the
quicksands of my life
So why am I lonely
Since You have risen

Be the shepherd of my soul

Oh my God what went wrong
I'm thirsty and I long to be filled
with Your love that only comes from above

Monday, October 01, 2007

Hosanna - song

Verse 1
I see the king of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

Verse 2
I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a new revival
Staring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

* A very lovely song, very meaningful. Didn't appreciate at first, but after listening to it for quite some time, and suddenly can't stop listening to it. =D