Saturday, January 24, 2009
Have you ever have the sad feeling without any reason? I just finished my exams, was so happy straight after my last paper. Then it only took 2 hours for that joy to disappear. I went for some groceries in that evening with my friends and then badminton with the Malaysian Society. Something is missing, something is missing today, what was it I thought within. No answers till now though.
After a warm bath, I got out my devotion book and my bible. Just reading it through, asking God, why do I feel this sudden sadness in me? Everything is going on well, nothing is out of place at this moment, I should be rejoicing for tonight I do not have to study, no ships, no numbers, no sea…
Just then as I was asking God, my friend sms, “U ok?”. The first thing that came to my mind was, “God, You’re efficient, I just asked and you told my friend how I feel?” Then I was thinking again, “This friend might have six sense.” Then again, I remembered, I tried to call in the evening and the phone call was not answered, hence the return call. But God is good, He’ll send someone for you to talk to, someone that have some praise reports to share, someone that will just call to encourage.
But Lord, how can my friends understand what I’m feeling inside, when I myself cannot understand. I put down the phone, then I started talking to God. I said, “Lord, I do not know what is going on, I do not even know how to pray about this, I’ll let me spirit intercede for me k.” Then I was speaking in the spirit and tears started to flow, all I can think of is that “Thank you Lord for always being there”
Who can understand when you suddenly start crying without much reason? Who can be there always, to give you this warm comfort? Who can be there to hear the sadness in your joyful voice? Who can see the emptiness behind that cheerful smile?
One thing good about God is that He’ll always be there for you. You just have to believe it. He’s a friend that will be there 24/7 for you and not expect much in return, He’s a father that will provide suitable advice at the right time, He’s a shepherd that will led us to the green pasture and protect us from all evil and harm, He’s that lamb that came in humility and gave His all for us, He’s from the rich and famous and yet wants to spend time with us.
Thank you Lord, thanks for just being there, thanks for the chance to know You.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
“Lord please, please let me know my specific purpose here, so that I can work towards it, so that Your name will be glorified even more. Please Lord, I’m listening now, speak to me, anytime, I’m waiting here.”
I cried out to the Lord for several days about this, I really wanted to find my specific purpose here. Some of my friends, even in the early age, can say “My calling is in Malaysia”, another, “My calling is in Asia”, another “My calling is to equip myself for these few years and then go there and go back to my country…”, another “My calling is in the kingdom (market place)”, etc.
I asked God to give me a specific purpose, so that I’ll able to work towards it. I keep on asking Him to speak to me, “speak to me, speak to me, I’m listening, speak to me like You speak to Samuel, I need an audible voice from you Lord, so that I can be sure.”
But then, sooner, I realized, in Psalm 119:105 “Your WORD is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” READ YOUR BIBLE!!! It will guide you!!! Yes, I have been reading my bible consistently, but not remembering it, not taking it very seriously. I have a good “tour/journey guide” all these while, all I need to do is to follow it closely, study it, put my heart into it!
God will lead us, but STEP BY STEP. When Jesus performed His first miracle in the wedding, He gave the servants directions, a step at a time. “Fill the jars with water”, then they filled them to the brim. “Now, draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet”, and they did so. Then when the master of the banquet tasted the water that have turned into wine…
God will reveal His plan in our life to us. In Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you.. Plans to give you hope and a future” He has a plan for us. He will reveal it to us step by step, as we follow it like the servants in the banquet, and we wait patiently, following the plan, then we’ll be able to see the wonderful plan unfold.
When Jesus was sent to the earth, He did not tell his disciple on day one about His whole journey here would be. It was slowly revealed to them.
He will not ask us to run till He knows that we are able to stand. He will not give us more responsibility until we can handle what we have in our hands first.
I guess His plan for me now is to learn His words by heart, serve faithfully in the little things in church, do well in my studies, pray for people, and just enjoy life.
I have to get ready, so that one day, when I actually have a more specific plan revealed to me, I will be well equip and able to go all out for Him.
There’s a time for everything.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Life is like painting a picture. With our own two hands, we take up the paint brush, we choose the colors that we like, we have the image first in our head and then we make it the way we want.
It only takes one person to pass by to push your hand and there goes your painting, an ugly line across this perfect painting.
But it also only takes one person to stop by, share some views with you and your painting can be made better.
Painting a big picture alone, in the end, you’ll look at it, satisfied, and the those passing by might stop by and appreciate it for some time, and then move on.
But if we paint a picture in a group, like in school or children’s activity. The painting might not turn out to be such a perfect piece, but everyone who takes part in it will carry a part of it in their life.
In life, things might go well, but it only takes one person or even a small group of people to make it miserable; you might even think that all things are great until you met someone that can give you better ideas to improve your life; walking this life alone might make it look pretty, but where are we to share our joy?
“Why Lord, why? Why do you let us go through these process? So that we will endure and come out of it better? Many will tell me that. But what if Lord, what if, lets say you let me learn it through books, through my pastors, through the leaders in Church, let me understand it the east way. I promise that I’ll continue to cry out to you with a thankful heart and full of love.”
So many people going through so many rough times, Lord, have mercy Lord, have mercy. Are these really necessary?
After crying for such a long time, in the end, “May Lord, Your will be done in our lives as it is in heaven. Who else know me better than you alone?”
People are the most difficult “things” to handle. But they are the best “thing” to keep your life interesting. As it is said, no man is an island.
Friday, January 09, 2009
“Keep yourself pure and holy. Till where will you compromise?” This is what keeps playing over and over again in my mind when I was praying.
We just learned about the church culture last weekend. Every society, every club, every church, every person ought to have our own standard, our own culture, a line that we draw, a guideline. Not just any line, it has to be a clear line. Till where will we compromise? We are people who are flexible, adaptable, and willing to change. Some things can change, the methods of why we do things can change, but we have to be clear why we’re doing what we are doing.
My friend once asked, “what is the first thing on your mind when you wake up in the morning?”. My answer was simple, BREAKFAST! After thinking for some time, I begin to think, there must be more than life than just food all the time. Nowadays, when I wake up, the first thing that comes into my mind is PRAYER. Yes, I did pray before this, but was I listening, was I looking at the signs, was I just praying because it comforts me. Well, in this book that I’m reading about prayer, I begin to understand more and more, praying is actually paving the road of me meeting with God, praying is actually enjoying the company of God, praying is actually seeing what are His ideas, His thoughts, His ways. Just enjoying the company, an invisible company, yet a company so true.
On my things to do list, I only put two words since the holidays. GOD FIRST. Things are getting busier since I came back to Newcastle. Homework, assignments, readings, and exams, church friends, etc. After reflecting back on my holidays, I remembered very clearly of a discussion over lunch about “not being caught up by the events, the methods.” Set our heart right, set our purpose right. I was talking to this friend last week. She told me the reason of why she was joining two churches. “One is because is a church that really worship god, the other is because they are more based on the Word of God.” I was puzzled. Was’t a church suppose to worship God as well as the members growing by the word of God? What went wrong? I know that there is no such thing as a perfect church, but the function of it ought to be right. But first, we have to set ourselves right with Him.
When we’re unsure, just pray and pray and pray, then listen (or think). Unexpected thoughts will come into your mind, thoughts that might not make sense, thoughts that might be childish, thoughts that might not be what you want. Is this what revelation really means? Is God revealing Himself more and more to me when I really sit down in the silence.
In this new year, I pray that God will send me a mentor, that will guide me in this walk with God, that will tell me straight in the face what am I not doing right, that will be true, mentoring me out of love and not duty.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Has 2008 ended badly for some of my friends? One burnt down his kitchen, the other three of my other friends broke up with their gf/bf. Good news for you guys, 2008 is over, look ahead, have a new start.
For me, 2008 is has been a real change. I realized that I know less, by knowing more. I realized that I am no where near to perfect, lots of changes are needed to refine myself. Entering 2009, not knowing what to expect but the best from the Lord. I believe that 2009 will be a year that my faith will be stretched, where my will power will be challenged, where my life will continue to change. Finding my purpose on this earth, where I have lived almost clueless for the pass 20 years. Searching what gifts and talent that I might have in this little mind and body of mine.
Coming back from my holidays, starting to study and back to my daily routine, perhaps I left part of my brain, heart and mind there. Importing it back slowly, so that I can focus here, exams are near, all shall come back on time. Committing it all into the hands of the Lord.
Feeling a bit weird, perhaps something here need some changes as well. I decided that I need a living plant in my room, drawing closer to the Lord, talking to Him more often, it is said, “it is a privilege to talk to God rather than a duty.” Really thank God for listening, for knowing and understanding what we are going through.
Here’s a song that I’ll like to share, I find it refreshing, assuring and comforting.
Holy Spirit come
Refresh me once again
Fill me with your power
In my soul, in my soul
Holy spirit come
Renew my passion
Lord Of Your kingdom
With endless love, with endless love
Lord I hunger and thirst for
Your presence in my life
Come Holy Spirit and make my whole
Going to pick out my little special plant tomorrow, no flowers, just leaves, just green, just another life.
“Lord, I’m tired, tired of making wrong decisions again and again. Please Lord, please take my life and use it all for Your glory.”
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Second blog of the day. I just attended MCC ( Malaysian Christian Conference) 2008 in Wokingham. Helping out in the children’s ministry, I have indeed learned a lot from them.
Their cheer, all things are possible. Yes, I know that with God, all things are possible. But do I just know it and not fully believing in it? Just this 4 short days with the children, I was able to see that when they say it with full of energy, they believed in it. It was not just something that this nobody is telling them, they truly believed and are happy to know it. It really speaks to me that WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
Preparing what to teach them, I learned a lot more myself.
The way that they receive the word of God, is so encouraging. They do not doubt it, they do not question it, they just believe it as it is.
Teaching them the story of Zacchaeus the Tax Collector, looking from a different point of view at this story, we see that he first purpose in his heart to want to see Jesus, then he put in effort and climb up the tree. And later when he had an encounter with Jesus, he changed. And in returned, he started to give back and bless all those around. I always thought that this is just a nice story about bad short people can turn and be good people. It actually thought me that in doing things, we first must have purpose in our life, then we need to put in effort and when we align it with God’s plan, in the end we can bless others.
Before I went to the camp, I prayed everyday, for each and every child by name even before I knew them. First time, leading the children that are born in the UK, I was clueless of what to expect, but indeed God has answered my prayers and helped me throughout this whole camp. Giving me ideas and helping me to connect with them.
I learned how to serve humbly, without expecting anything in return. But to my surprise, the parents are so generous, they gave me CD, book, and chocolates. Indeed God is really good. I really find joy in serving Him and sowing into people’s life. When we take the first step of wanting to serve Him with the right purpose, He will indeed give us wisdom and help us every step that we go.