Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Fears in relationship

Fears in relationship

There are many reasons why some people do not want to get involved in relationships. Is it because of fear? Or do we just enjoy being not in any relationships?

First, there is the fear of rejection. But in this, some might tell you that if you don’t face it, you’ll never find the answer. Some might also tell you that as long as you do not know it, it won’t hurt you. We do not want to be rejected by our friends, by our family, by people in our work place, by people that we always hang out with, in conclusion most people want to be accepted someway or another.

Commitment. The fear to be committed, do we and are we willing to commit our time, our energy, our earthly things… do we just want a relationship that we can get in and out freely, no strings attached, no barriers of entry and exit? Sometimes we might think that is it worth it? Where can we find true friendship when we are not willing to commit? When we are down, we expect someone to be there with us, but when our friends are down, are we as committed or can we be more commitment.

There is also the matter of security. Some might want to be in a relationship because they want security. It indeed feels good to feel safe with people around you. Some might not want to get involved in a relationship because they do not feel safe. But when the relationship is strong enough, there ought to be trust, and we will slowly stand up for people around us. Having the sense of security often give us a peace in mind.

Friends and people around might also influence us of who we are mixing with. We fear what people might say about us when we mix with different people. Are we made worse when we mix around with bad people? Are we less worthy to be with when we mix with unfortunate people? Are we less smart if we mix with underprivileged people? Are we more childish when we spend our time with little kids? Of cause we can choose who to be with and all, but we do not need to reject others because people around us reject them.

There’s another fear when we want to get into a relationship, we are often afraid that we are not good enough. We are afraid that our standard does not fit the people around us. This is the flaw and it leads people to not being themselves, being a fake person. But if our standard is not good enough, then its time to upgrade. We can’t stay in the mentality that we only want to mix with people of the same standard. We should be more volatile, able to mix with all types of people. There will always be a room of improvement. When we start to think that we are not good enough, then its time to put in more effort to improve.

There might be other barriers that causes fear to be in us when are mixing around. These might mean our culture, our religion, our family background, the generation gap, our environment… but we can’t always make this the excuse for us for not being friendly, for not wanting to mix around…

For every true relationship, there ought to have trust, loyalty, commitment, patience, hope… we must always have hope and not give up easily, we must be able to have to strength to move on, we must be able to decide wisely… All in all, the most important thing is that we must keep people around us in prayers. And also pray that we will mix with the right people. Surrender our relationship to God. We must also be strong and not shaken. All these fear shouldn’t always be the reason why we want to isolate ourselves. NO MAN IS AN ISLAND.


^newhopes^ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
^newhopes^ said...

I think there is one more reason. A romantic relationship, to its purest meaning, requires two people. It is the problem of not having mutual demands that prevent relationships from blossoming. At some point in our life, we will believe that we have found the one we are willing to love, but there is no similar response from the other party.

speakeasy said...

First I would like to say good job with all these posts. You write very well compare to the substandard posts of WWW.speakeasy-speakeasy.blogspot.com.Haha.

Right yeah I guess it is always a risk in everything we do and when it comes to love it is no different.

I think what is important is whether you want to be in a relationship or not. If the answer is yes, then you will face all it joys and sorrows.

But if not then I guess you don't have to worry. But I argee with you that no man is an island and it is harder being alone than with another person.

Sad but true...

EverlastingJoy said...

Sometimes, we might not get who we want in life, what we think is good for us now might not be good for us in the future. For example, GM food. Can we be 100% sure that it is 100% safe for us in the long run? Maybe by forgoing the present, a better future might be waiting for us - Opportunity cost. We can’t control other people’s feelings but we can certainly surrender our heart’s desire to God. He will surely make a way for us; He knows what the best is for us. It’s a matter of patience and the willingness to listen for His voice. People are pieces of puzzle in our life that helps to complete the picture. They are there for a purpose. We decide how we want to arrange them, but we can’t force it in if it does not fit in the right place.

Asvin said...

Love is abstract...
So dun have to studY it!!..
Everyone is entitled to their own perspective i guess.
But to me it takes both sides to work and when it does work it takes both side commitment to make it last.