Friday, June 15, 2007

Do we need or do we want?


There are many people around us who are often confused between what we want and what we need. Our basic needs were a place to stay, food to eat, clothes to wear, etc.. etc..
But nowadays, people are looking for more than that. We often ask, what type of house, what type of car, which brand of clothes, which restaurants…

What about when we come to relationship? People are often confused with what we want or what we need. Some may want a relationship for the sake of being attached. They do not care about who the other person is as long as they can say that they are in a relationship. Can this be a cause of peer pressure? With everyone around us that are having a girl friend or a boy friend while we are still alone, is this a new social pressure? We have to be certain of what we want in life. Love is not a game; we are not supposed to play with people’s feeling. I am often warned not to play with people’s feeling. Everyone have our own emotion. Some like to show it out, cry over it, but there are also those who like to keep it to themselves. One of my friends told me that it is easier for girls to get over emotional breakdown because they just tell everything to their girl friends but it is hard for a guy to get over emotional breakdown because they often like to hide it and keep it to themselves – “macho ness”- according to my friend. But isn’t this too generalized?

It is of cause good to have someone that cares, love, willing to sacrifice for you. But do we want to be in a relationship because we want these things; because we crave for it; because everyone around us has it? Or do we want to get involve in it because we really like the person? We often ask for advice, but how can others know how we feel when we ourselves are not certain? Of cause they can give us advice, give us their point of view, tell us the pros and cons… but ultimately, we have to decide on our own.

Is this a dog eat dog world? There are many who like to take advantage of others. No different between guys or girls. But in the end, one will get hurt or both occasionally. Taking advantage of people is wrong! Giving the false hope just to get what we want is also wrong! In this materialistic world, many are unconsciously doing this. Toying people around and change partners like changing clothes is not right. Some might say, I’m only making the best out of everything, I’m not forcing them to do so, I’m just playing along, I should live life to the fullest, I’m this… I’m that… - where will this bring us to? There are many reasons to justify all our actions. But if we know that it is wrong, why do it?

I have a friend that is very cool about this. He is really one of the few that think this way. He always tell me that “there is always a right time, don’t need to rush”. I totally agree with him on this issue. Even though he likes a girl, he wants to make sure that everything goes alright before he pops the question. How many are willing to wait? Or is your partner willing to wait? My other friend said “if they are not willing to wait then maybe they are not worth it”. How do you differentiate a crush and true love? Crushes might be a spear of moment, passion, nothing about commitment at all, are we willing to sacrifice? Are we willing to give up certain habit? Many of my friends often have the ideology that how do you know if you don’t try? Relationship is more like a trail and error thing for them. They often tell me that we learn from experience, so that when it comes to the right one, we know what to do about it. Well, there are many ways of looking at this. I might not agree with what they are doing but they do have their own reasoning. The question of “what if” always come into the picture- what if I stayed with him, what if he is the right one, what if there is actually a future for us… what if… what if… – What about learning from the experience of others? –

Come back to the “do we want or do we need” question. We should ask ourselves before we take any action. I learned that we cannot control other people’s feeling but we can certainly control our own. Is love really blind? Or are we blinding ourselves in the name of love?

Love is important. For God so LOVE the world that he GAVE His one and only son… we should love God because His love for us will never cease. We can be certain that if our whole world may stumble, He will still be there for us. =D

1 comment:

Whiteshade said...

Like I said, it is not enough to read other people's stories and hope to learn from them. It is through one's own experience that you grow. This is true not only for this matter, but nearly everything in life.

The problem with people these days is that they tend to look too much on the surface of things. Shallowness. It's the reason why so many relationships/marriages fail. At least you can learn what it is you really want and what went wrong if it does happen, and be all the more knowing for the future. And maybe someday, you'll find that one truly ideal, lasting relationship.

I strongly disagree with learning from other's experiences. UNLESS both you and the person involved have very similar personalities. Otherwise, you might not learn anything at all. One man's meat may be another man's poison after all.